Shopping for Her

1. Flowers. Women do like these. But a dozen roses on Valentine's Day tends to say, "I feel obligated," especially when you don't buy flowers at any other time. So, buy her roses at other times. Talk to your flowershop about a Valentine's Day bouquet that will say "You are special." And start that discussion at least a month ahead of time.
    
2. Chocolate. Women love chocolate. But, they often feel guilty eating it. Interestingly, many men will buy a big box of chocolates and then--directly or not--let their woman know they think she's fat. The problem here is simply a matter of total calories. Rather than buy her a big box of chocolates, make the chocolate experience romantic. Let her associate the delight (which, for women, is erotic) of eating the chocolate with you. Go to a chocolate shop and find something that is low in sugar and high in chocolate. Buy two of those, and make them the prelude to love-making. This way, she can enjoy her chocolate, work off the calories, and know you find her attractive. You limit the calories, but make the chocolate extra special.
    
3. Lingerie. You may think that maid's uniform looks hot. She may think it belittles her. Or, you may think a corset is just what she needs, while she prefers a maid's uniform. You want sheer, she wants the security of being less revealed. The basic problem here is one of communication. Many men try to solve this by taking the woman shopping and having her pick out what she wants while they tap their feet and act both bored and embarrassed. Not a good approach.
   
   So, how do you buy the right lingerie? Here are some tips--you may want to follow all of them:

• Ask her about her fantasies. Then, listen. Memorize these. Then, go to the lingerie shop and ask if they have anything that relates to these fantasies (yes, we sell lingerie online and are sending you to our brick and mortar competitors--but the important thing is you do this right).
   
• Look at what she already has. If there's nothing sheer in that collection, this tells you she doesn't like sheer things. No corsets? Then don't buy her one. If she has a maid's uniform, maybe another uniform (cop, for example) would be just the thing to turn her on. If she doesn't have any lingerie, she's probably not interested in lingerie.
   
• Ask her what she wants. You could say something like, "If you had $100 to spend on lingerie, what would you buy?" Pay very close attention. After she tells you what she would buy (and this may take a while), ask her what she likes about each item. "Sorry, honey, I don't remember all the items you mentioned. What was the first one? Oh, pasties. Those are nice. What is it that you like about those?"
   
• Mention something specific. For example, "Sweetie, you look so hot in your sheer black teddie--well, in everything, actually. I would like to buy you another teddie, but surprise you with my selection. But I want it to be a good surprise. Should I try for the same fabric and color as that black teddie, or stay away from that?" At this point, she will probably tell you some specifics.
  
  But, she might be so impressed that you ask that she will not tell you anything--out of fear of being critical. She will be happy that you asked, and she'll pretend she loves the teddie you buy, even if she hates it. So, don't assume she loves that teddie just because she gushes over it when you give it to her--the message she's trying to convey is she appreciates your thoughtfulness. If she is still pulling it out of the drawer six months later, that's a good sign she likes it.
  
  Of course, if you don't reinforce your purchase with thoughtfulness and respect, it won't really matter.
  
  The bottom line here is don't buy lingerie for you--as though you are dressing up a doll you own. Buy it for her, to please her and to show you care. Then, you will be making a worthwhile purchase--and a good investment in your relationship.